FIVE RITUALS FOR PELVIC CARE

A note from Kiana

In the months after the birth of my son Teave I realized how much we need better holistic pelvic and sexual education. While breastfeeding I dove into research on postpartum practices from around the world, eventually founding a company in the field of female sexual wellness, and studying for the last six years all things related to birth and female sexual wellness. These are a few of my favorite tools to incorporate as regular self care to connect with your body.

5 Rituals for Pelvic Care

Why the pelvis matters:

In the last few years the pelvis has *thankfully* been gaining attention for the core role it plays in our sense of well-being. Your relationship with your pelvic floor shapes everything from the quality of your orgasms to your access to pleasure and sensation. Practitioners in this field come in many forms — pelvic floor physical therapists, certified sexological bodyworkers, holistic pelvic care practitioners, and certified STREAM (Scar Tissue Remediation, Education, and Management) practitioners, to name a few. Other modalities often explored alongside them include mayan abdominal massage, fascial release techniques, Traditional Chinese Medicine, and somatic experiencing.

Beyond the physical functions of the pelvis, your relationship with your genitals and sexual organs can play a huge role in your ability to authentically express your own sexuality. Feeling comfortable and knowledgeable about your own body, empowered in communicating your sexual desires and boundaries, and being familiar with the emotional landscape of the pelvis can come from having regular embodied practices that support this deeper connection. Some of the benefits of setting aside time for these practices can include a sense of sexual sovereignty, increased ability to communicate with a partner about what you like or don’t like, familiarity with your own anatomy, and un-shaming your relationship with your genitals.

Your pelvis supports and protects your sexual and reproductive organs, helps coordinate balance and stability, and is considered in many traditions the seat of your sexual and creative energy. Many things can affect how the pelvis feels day to day — posture, movement patterns, life events, and tension held in the muscles among them. The more you can attend to this part of yourself, the more resilient and alive you are likely to feel.

Here are 5 of my favorite tools for daily pelvic care

1. Get hands on

Vulva mapping is one of my favorite introductions to enhancing your connection with your pelvis. Most people’s experience of having their genitals touched is either within the context of a sexual experience or a medical one, like going to the gynecologist. This form of genital cartography is a peer-to-peer experience done with a trained and experienced practitioner who can work externally and internally to help you get familiar with your own internal landscape. By now it is fairly common knowledge that the body holds memory and emotion in your tissues. Not only are our memories and experiences held in our minds, but they quite literally exist within the matrix of our fascia, muscles, and nervous system. The pelvis can be an emotionally charged area, and with the presence of a skilled practitioner many of the holding patterns of the muscles and unprocessed emotions or memories can start to integrate and release. Vulva mapping includes using tools like sensation tracking, breath work, vocalization, movement, working with up-regulation and down-regulation of the nervous system, and embodied consent. These tools can support the body in telling its story, help repair boundaries, and allow for a deeper feeling of trust and connection with your genitals. A word for those who have experienced sexual or other trauma — it is important when choosing a practitioner that they are trauma informed or trained in specific trauma-focused modalities.

2. Masturbate more

It sounds easy, but cultivating a self-pleasuring practice can actually take a lot of intention. Most of us masturbate by habit — meaning we have our go-to fantasies, toys, hand motions, and try to reach orgasm as quickly as possible. We forget to breathe, we clench our jaws, feet, legs and wait… wait… wait until we reach orgasm and that is that. The kind of masturbating I am proposing is one of curiosity and self-exploration that is not focused on orgasm at all. It is an invitation to explore different variations of pressure, types of touch, breathing, tracking your sensations, and full-body touch. Genitals don’t have to be the only body part included either — including your belly, breasts, thighs, low back, whatever feels sensual for you, can significantly enhance your experience. The point of a self-pleasure practice is to expand your capacity for pleasure and self-knowledge. Going deep with self-pleasure can illuminate hidden shame we may carry around our own sexuality, so being gentle and witnessing what arises with compassion and allowing it to flow through can be very freeing. Get creative, make loud sounds, experiment with how fast, slow or deep you breathe, dance to music that turns you on, watch yourself in a mirror, try standing up, or even being outside in the sun. Whatever gets you out of your routine will be the thing that helps wake you up to the truth of your innate sensuality.

Artist: Frances Cannon

3. Try Vaginal Steaming

Vaginal steaming is a practice with global roots — it has been documented as a traditional practice on almost every continent. Traditionally, people commonly steamed during the postpartum time. Recently steaming has had a resurgence of popularity. It is a simple practice where you sit over a pot of steaming water with herbs infused into it, and it can be a soothing self-care ritual that connects your awareness to sensation in your pelvis. The herbs are chosen for their aromatic qualities and can include mugwort, chamomile, lavender, raspberry leaf, or peppermint. It is lovely to formulate your blend to your own preference, and worth working with someone experienced in steaming the first few times until you get the hang of it.

4. Cultivate a Jade Egg Practice

Jade eggs have experienced a lot of hype and a lot of misinformation over the past few years. They are still one of my favorite tools to help someone connect deeply to sensation, proprioception, and awareness of their internal pelvic space. Jade eggs are an ancient tool for cultivating sexual energy in the Taoist tradition. Nephrite jade is the traditional stone used, because jade is traditionally said to nourish the yin and the feminine, as well as connect you with the energies of the earth. As it turns out, nephrite jade is also dense and non-crystalline, meaning it can be boiled to be sanitized and has less room on its surface for microbial growth. Finding a quality stone is incredibly important, because your vagina is lined with mucous membranes that are easily irritated and very porous. Look for stones that have not been dyed or chemically treated. Cultivating a jade egg practice is very personal and based on your own preferences — exploring breath work, sensual movement, and different exercises while noticing what you feel can bring to life a whole new level of sensation and awareness internally. Many people who use the jade egg properly notice increased awareness, sensation, and sometimes even increased access to orgasm.

5. Know what your YES! feels like

Consent is the foundation of all healthy partnered sexual experiences, and embodied consent is one of the most valuable things we can learn to listen for in our bodies. Embodied consent is the alignment of your mind, emotions and body all saying yes in unison. In partnered settings we can tend to go into pleasing mode and learn to override our own signals of what feels right for us in that moment. Learning to tune in to your mind, emotions, and body can help redefine our relationship with boundaries, enhance our ability to communicate about what we do and don’t want, and — with practice and fine tuning — it can become a tool that deeply enhances our ability to trust and stay connected to ourselves sexually. This tool doesn’t have to be practiced in purely sexual settings; learning how to tune in and not override certain needs will allow your nervous system more space for regulation and trust that you are safe.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is vulva mapping?

A peer-to-peer practice done with a trained practitioner who works externally and internally to help you become familiar with your own anatomy — using sensation tracking, breath work, movement and embodied consent. If you have experienced trauma, choose a practitioner who is trauma informed.

What is vaginal steaming?

Sitting over a pot of steaming water infused with aromatic herbs such as mugwort, chamomile, lavender, raspberry leaf or peppermint. It has roots on nearly every continent and was traditionally a postpartum practice. Work with someone experienced the first few times.

Why nephrite jade for a jade egg?

Nephrite is dense and non-crystalline, so it can be boiled to sanitize and offers less surface for microbial growth. Look for stones that have not been dyed or chemically treated.

What does embodied consent mean?

The alignment of your mind, emotions and body all saying yes in unison — and learning to notice when they don't. It is a practice that extends well beyond sexual settings.

*The information presented in this article comes directly from a birth and postpartum doula, Sexological Bodyworker and STREAM practitioner. To learn more about her work, head here: www.lamamamoon.com